Hi (? Probably no one will read this, I think I'm alone here XD but it's kind of great, because I think I can use this blog for absolutely anything I can think of and that includes using it as a personal diary. I like to express myself freely and vent <(￣︶￣)> 💕
I'm excited and at the same time way too anxious these days because I'm moving to my hometown, Montevideo. I'm saving up to buy some new furniture right now while the builders and my dad are working on getting the new house ready.
I don't know how to explain how important this is to me. These years in the neighborhood where I currently live haven't been the best. I have to say that the times I was happy were when I traveled to Montevideo for something or when I was locked inside my house. Yeah. My happiest moments in this neighborhood were when I was locked in my house, forgetting that this neighborhood existed, because I never felt good here, I never felt welcome, not in my childhood, nor in my adolescence, not even in adulthood.
When I left elementary school in Montevideo as a child because my family and I moved and they transferred me to a school in this neighborhood, the change of environment was total. My innocence was erased almost completely. Seriously. I was a very innocent little girl before coming here, but I had to force myself to transform into something "tougher" so they wouldn't hurt me, because this new school was a very hostile place and my classmates were mostly very violent. I came from a family that raised me and taught me to enjoy my childhood, and then I ran into a world full of kids wanting to act like adults, who looked at you and treated you terribly if you acted according to your age.
I assumed that was a problem that would end when moving on to high school and entering a liceo, also in the same area, but the experience was even worse. I'm not going to expand too much here because it's really too much, but to sum it up, the "welcome" they gave me in that place was a girl beating me up under the excuse that I was "acting pretty." As ridiculous as it sounds. In that place, it was customary for them to hit first-year girls who looked naive, or wealthy, or "pretty" (though I don't know what criteria they based this on). You saw girls being beaten up after class all the time, and everyone cheered; nobody questioned this, they celebrated it instead. In this same institution, several teachers mistreated me and I didn't understand why. I mean, I had a style that at that time was considered "weird"—I loved video games, anime, black clothes—something that nowadays is very normal, but back then you got bullied for it. However, I don't consider that teachers or school authorities should treat their students poorly for being different. My God, everything was so wrong with this place; this was where I developed my depression and the time when I used to cut my arms looking to take my own life. I also met the best psychologist in the world here, I must admit, and of course, my best friends, who have been with me all these years and we now have 13 years of friendship.
Anyway, I'm not going to delve too deeply into what happened at this high school, as I said, but honestly too many things happened there, and I used to think that was the standard high school experience, until my mom finally believed me when I told her that this place was destroying me emotionally, and she noticed everything that was happening and transferred me to another school, enrolling me in one in Montevideo. I had to travel more, since I didn't live in that city at the time as you know, but the experience was SO different. I felt like I was in paradise, just because they were treating me with basic decency. Studying in Montevideo made me realize that what was happening in my neighborhood wasn't normal, that good people, kind teachers, and professionals actually existed.
Since that time, my experience with Montevideo has been purely positive. That made me miss living there even more. I was very small when I lived in Montevideo, but I felt the change in environment as soon as we moved to my current neighborhood; I was never happy here, so now you can understand that I'm extremely happy and excited because I'm going to live again in the city I consider my home. ❤️🩹
It's funny and amusing to me that I was so amazed to see that in my new home I'll have such normal things like a store or supermarket nearby, functional transport that doesn't leave you stranded for two hours in the street waiting, or a sidewalk, lol. I really didn't have those things in my neighborhood.
I don't want to sound ungrateful either. I know I'm throwing a lot of hate at my neighborhood, but I swear I'm grateful, even if it doesn't seem like it. I'm grateful because here in this neighborhood I grew strong, I had all kinds of experiences that taught me to be who I am today, and it taught me to deeply value things that many of us take for granted. Plus, I love the house I lived in all these years; I lived many happy moments there with my family and it has always been my refuge, so I have nothing negative to say about my old home, I only have love for it.
Anyway, in a few weeks maybe I'll show how my bedroom is turning out 🧸🩷
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